Letting Go

     On a cool clear morning in mid-October some friends and I decided to hike up to The Pool near the Fern Lake trailhead. The hike is a relatively short one but stunningly beautiful nonetheless. While we made the very gradual climb under the breathtaking blue sky we listened to the roar of the Big Thompson beside us. There are many beautiful rock formations along this path and I have no doubt my friends were enjoying the view around them. One of my companions noted that the trail was nearly covered in aspen leaves. As fall was drawing to a close, the aspens were rapidly shedding their few remaining leaves in preparation for the coming winter. It always amazes me that no matter when winter decides to make its grand entrance be it early or late, the deciduous trees always seem to know when it is time to let go. The trees seem to understand that though their beautiful leaves are withering and falling there will be an opportunity for new growth with the coming of spring.

     The trees offer us a powerful lesson. Knowing when to let go in so many different aspects is an important life lesson that not quite everyone completely understands. Saying goodbye, letting go, and moving on are important factors in a serene existence. Perhaps the hardest aspect is letting go of the past. This is not to be confused with forgetting the past or the lessons that came with it. Rather, it is knowing when the time has come to not let your past chain you down and hold you back from a wonderful present and, hopefully, an even brighter future. Letting go of a difficult past can be a true challenge, especially if the past was a traumatic one. Some may even need the love and support of others in order to fully let go but it must be done no matter how long it takes. Another example of a time to let go is letting someone go. This could be a child turned young adult about to set out on their own journey or it could be a former love that has gone in a different direction. In either of these cases or other related ones letting go is paramount not only for your own peace of mind but for the other person’s wellbeing as well. Then there is always the loss of a loved one who has passed on to the hereafter. This can be a particularly difficult time to let go but we must nonetheless. We mourn the deceased, cherish their memory, and with time we carry on with our lives in a manner that would honor the ones we buried. I think now of the mistakes and hardships of my own past, the romances that did not blossom quite as expected, and the friends and family that I have had to say goodbye to. Very little of this came easy for me just as it was difficult for all mankind to endure. However, because I have let go I am where and what I am today. I have found peace, satisfaction, and serenity. I am young enough and wise enough to know there will be much more letting go to do on my life journey. Then, just as in my past, it will be difficult but because of what the mountains and forests have taught me I will endure for soon the new growth will come.

     As we continue along the trail I take in the perfect moment in which I am a part of. I feel a warm peaceful sense about me. I know it cannot last forever and I know life was not designed to be easy. With this knowledge I will endeavor to do the best I can and deal with the hardships life will occasionally offer up as they come. In these mountains I believe I have found the greatest friend, companion, and therapist any one person could ever ask for.

Interaction

In mid-October a friend and I decided to hike along the Cub Lake trail one afternoon. The day was a cold one and it was overcast and snowing. We hiked at a leisurely pace for just over a mile and came to a small pond that was still and quiet. With the days growing shorter and the late start on the trail we were content to situate ourselves on some rocks and relax for a while before heading back. As we sat there on the cold rocks with the wind and snow swirling around us we sipped some water and ate some trail mix while enjoying idle conversation. In this moment I was struck by the beautiful simplicity of the moment. Two men were sitting in a cold wild place with no other signs of life around and were relaxing. What an interesting picture this would have made with the pond next to us and the peaks behind it while we sat there as the snow accumulated in our hair and beards. In that moment I believe we were socializing as people were originally meant to.

In today’s culture much of the social interaction between people seems to happen in loud crowded places that are not of nature’s design. We meet up in restaurants, movie theaters, malls, and so on. We buy things while we socialize such as food, drinks, and other trinkets. All of this seems to be a distraction for what we truly set out to do, spend quality time with good friends and family. There are certainly some exceptions to this such as inviting people over for cookouts and such but it would seem to me that most socializing is done in a money spending distraction rich environment. Do we secretly worry about awkward moments of silence? Do we fear our companions may grow bored in our company? Out here in the wild it seems conversation flows naturally and when there are breaks in the chitchat they are agreeable as well. Out there away from civilization you simply enjoy the companionship of who you’re with and the relaxing feeling that comes from sitting on the side of a mountain, the bank of a river, or a log in the forest. Time slows till you lose track of it all together. Troubles are forgotten as they seem a million miles away. Your laughter is deeper and smile wider as you come to realize that this is the peace you were meant to enjoy while in the company of good people. Out here the only distractions are the birds calling from their perches in the trees. Out here money is worthless as there is nothing to spend it on nor anyone to give it to. No calls or texts can detract from conversation for the nearest cell phone tower is miles away. With this knowledge I invite you to ask a friend or family member to take a walk in the woods with you. Find yourselves a peaceful unassuming spot and relax for a bit. Have a good chat about whatever comes to mind but don’t force conversation. When those moments of silence do creep up then just enjoy the natural world around you and the companionship of the person beside you. Friendships can be forged and even strengthened in a wild place.

As I stood and stretched before returning to the trail I thought of those mountain men that came here long before me. I think of how every now and then they would cross paths and stop to trade stories while smoking a pipe or sharing some jerky. On this day I feel yet another step closer to those brave souls I so much admire. We started trekking through the snow but I was warm inside nonetheless.

Peace of Mind

On a cool breezy night in early October I found myself sitting on my porch in a somewhat flustered mood. The whole week I waited for inspiration to hit me and provide me with something to write about. No doubt the fact that I had worked for eight straight days was of no help as it left me with very little time or energy to immerse myself in the wild. That night, however, I felt sure there was a lesson the mountains were trying to teach me so I sat there waiting. The night was void of human noises and I listened to the wind blowing through the trees and the sound of distant elk bugling as they are prone to do this time of year. There was such a calm peace all about me that evening. At some point I checked the time and it was then I realized I had been sitting there on my bench for nearly two hours. I had become lost in the serenity of the night and then, at that moment, I suddenly realized the lesson I had just been taught, the enormous value of peace of mind. In those two hours I had been so comfortable and relaxed in the world around me that I had thought about absolutely nothing at all. I was not worrying, scheming, pondering, or otherwise mentally occupied by anything whatsoever. In the aftermath of this mental vacation I felt completely refreshed and happy.

In the world today it is a rare thing to have time where you can simply relax and think of nothing at all. So many things tend to absorb our minds. We think of bills that need paid, tasks at work that need completed, chores around the house that need attention, and so on. Is this why so many are exhausted at the end of the day and unwilling to get out of bed the next morning? Is this why the office drone tends to drag out his lunch break? Could this explain the working mom’s reluctance to pull the car out of the garage Monday morning? I sincerely doubt there is a single soul on this earth that does not have to worry, ponder, or think about many things on a frequent basis but I firmly believe we all need some time alone to free our minds and spirits. In order to do this, however, we must first be able to be at peace and put our concerns on the back burner for at least a short while. Rest assured that any problems you have will still be there when your mental vacation is over. But the difference is you are now mentally refreshed and energized, ready to tackle whatever life throws at you. Physical vacations can also have this same effect but often require extra mental strain just to plan and implement them. All a mental vacation requires is that you find some relaxing spot and dedicate a short time to clear your head and heart. This could be something you do once a week or even once a day. What more could one ask for than the ability to go on vacation every day? Some may have difficulty locating that special place where they feel relaxed enough to find such peace. Others are lucky enough to be able to do this nearly anywhere. I can easily find peace in these mountains but I certainly couldn’t imagine finding that same peace sitting on a bench in a city. Some people can do that though and I would be lying if I said I was not jealous. But in the end, once you find that spot and reach that calm and untroubled state of mind I promise the quality of life can only improve as you will have gained the ability to charge your spirit’s battery at will and no problem or task will be insurmountable to you anymore.

As I stood up to go inside I was laughing out loud at the trick the mountains had pulled on me. After looking so hard for another lesson for so many days it had taken me sitting and thinking of nothing at all to learn the lesson the mountains wished to teach me this time. As I prepared for bed I reminded myself that if I were to be a good student I needed to pay closer attention to my teacher.

Home

Upon returning to the mountains after the great flood I could not wait two full days before embarking on a hike. A good friend and I decided to travel up to Bible Point, a short hike up a summit with a fantastic panoramic view at the top. Fall was definitely in the mountains that day with cool clear weather making for perfect hiking weather. The trail is neither long nor difficult even with some washout from the heavy rains. After a trip up through aspens and pines we at last reached the summit and spent nearly an hour taking in the surrounding countryside while enjoying the fantastic weather.

During this whole hike I could not believe how wonderful it was to be home. Here in the mountains is where I belong, where I am happiest, and where I thrive. So often I have been asked by the tourists and seasonal residents where is my home. If I could see their faces I am quite sure I would see a look of surprise when I explain that this is my home. But even if my permanent residence was elsewhere I believe I would still claim the mountains as my home for, as the old saying goes, home is where the heart is.

I am a strong believer that the term “home” is one of the most commonly misused words in any language. Nearly any average person when asked will call home the place where they reside, the mail gets delivered, and where they lay their head for most of the year. But is that where their heart truly is? Is it possible that home can be a place you travel to once a year or even less? Ask yourself where is the one place you were happiest? The answer is different for all of us. Some people will discover that their residence is also their home because it is the happiest place they have ever known and that is perfectly acceptable. For others it will be the place they grew up. Some have a vacation spot that feeds their souls every time they return. There are even some people who have only been to a place be a single time but for that brief period in their lives it was the happiest time they remember. 

It is a rather fascinating thought that one could have only been home once in their entire lives but that certainly does not have to be a negative thought. Perhaps some individuals may even have more than one home? Deciding just where home is for yourself can require some deep introspection but when you finally realize where your own home or homes are you will come to appreciate it all the more. I even believe that this self-realization will allow you to appreciate the other places you have been as you will gain the ability to compare and contrast these other places and realize what makes them good or bad but not quite home for you.

It is such a tragedy that far too many people will spend too much of their lives in a place they are not happy just because of a paycheck or because they think there is no way to go home. Certainly an income is important and relocating can be costly and difficult but, to me, those concerns and difficulties pale in comparison to being in a place where your soul is not happy and free. There are those who are content where they reside and they get to visit home every now and again. These individuals are happy in this scenario and therefor are to be considered lucky. Then there are the most fortunate souls of all, the ones who live at home. For these blessed folks such as myself, we rise every morning knowing that we are living, loving, and laughing in the place we love above all others. This is as close to heaven on earth as one can achieve.

As I sat on my porch that evening after my hike and dinner I heard an elk bugling in the distance. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude that life, fate, or some deeper power had brought me to my true home and graciously allowed circumstances to work that I may live in this phenomenal place. I suddenly understood the bugling elk; he was bidding me a warm welcome home.

Full Circle

After the Great Flood of 2013 temporarily chased me out of my mountains I decided to make a short trip back to Ohio to visit family and friends. During this two week visit I happened to reconnect with an old college friend I had not spoken to in nearly a decade. On a beautiful early fall day we enjoyed lunch and then took a long walk through Blacklick Woods. The weather was absolutely perfect and as we wandered down the trail through a mix of oaks, maples, and hickories we enjoyed the sound of the birds and squirrels scampering and flitting about around us. We even heard a few frogs calling as we passed over some of the marshy areas that dot that forest. The walk, conversation, and sounds of nature all combined to make for a very agreeable afternoon. We walked around a large loop that eventually brought us back to my friend’s car and I couldn’t help but marvel at the significance of the circle we had just trekked upon.

The friend, that I journeyed with on that day, and I had a rather hard falling out ten years ago while attending college together. Harsh words had been spoken and hard feelings forged. But now both older and hopefully wiser we have buried the hatchet and are friends again in a place not so far from my origins nor the place where we met so long ago. Just like the simple trail we had just traversed together we had come to a full circle at last. I think of the significance of the wild and peaceful place we were surrounded by the power of the circle we crossed.

The earliest inhabitants of this land placed a great importance in both nature and the circle. We can find evidence of this in both their ancient ceremonies and artwork such as the sacred medicine wheel. Life and perhaps fate has taken me far and now I roam the mountains where I firmly believe I belong. Having found my own personal heaven on earth, I cannot ignore the path that brought me here to the high country. Nor, for that matter, can I allow myself to not occasionally complete the sacred hoop and return to my own roots. Returning to the original wild places that inspired me to journey in the beginning, reminds me that the earliest life lessons I took from the land came from here, not my beloved mountains. By coming here I came to appreciate the mountains even more. It is essential that we all give tribute to our beginnings and honor the place we started our journey in life. 

Only by coming to the complete circle can we truly come to term and fully understand who and what we truly are. The true mountain men were not born in the mountains. The seasoned sailor was not born on the sea. The celebrated hero more often than not comes from a humble and unassuming beginning. The mountain man returns to the flats on occasion. The sailor returns to port now and again. The hero returns to the place of his people that came before him. No matter how far you go and no matter where you find yourself be always sure to complete that holy circle every once and awhile so that you may have sacred time to remember who you are and how you got there. 

Sometimes completing the hoop can turn your life around for the better. If the earlier part of your journey was a particularly hard or painful one then do not shy from that past. Embrace it and take a measure of pride in the fact that you overcame those obstacles and endured what a weaker soul may not have been able to. The more you travel on your personal wheel of life, the stronger the wheel becomes and the surer you will become in just where on the wheel you belong.

Whenever I think back to that beautiful day in the Blacklick Woods I will always reflect on how insightful it was and how much I gained from it. Another valuable lesson was learned and a dying ember of friendship was fanned into a great blaze. I know now that my journey through the mountains started here in the forests of Ohio and as surely as I stand here today my journey will bring me back to this place again one day.

The Flood

Toward the middle of September heavy rain came upon the mountains. It started on a Tuesday and a hike up Emerald Mountain had to be abandoned. By Wednesday it was raining harder still and on this day a close friend came to visit for the night. By Thursday morning flash floods had cut us off from the nearby town of Estes Park. The rain did not stop until Friday but by then waterways were so flooded that roads and bridges were rapidly deteriorating and we prepared for a long siege against the weather. Friday afternoon brought the sudden news that the bridge was in danger of washing away and we were ordered to evacuate the area before being cut off completely. We hurriedly packed a few things and drove over the flooded, washed out, boulder strewn road and soon found our only way out of the area over Trail Ridge Road. Upon reaching the western side of the Rockies, we turned south and eventually made our way to the safety of Denver for the next couple of days before she headed back to Texas and I returned to Ohio to visit family while the mountains calmed down.

Through this entire ordeal I was a bit surprised to find what was most concerning me. It turned out not to be what most would expect. What was on my mind the most those wet days in September was not the flood, but rather that person that was trapped there in the mountains with me. Rock slides were blocking the canyons and passes and I was content listening the sound of her laughter. Others were anxiously awaiting news of bridge and road conditions while I was anxiously waiting for my shift to end so that I could be near her again. Food supplies were dwindling but all I could worry about was my dwindling time remaining with her. It seemed as though the very mountains I love were collapsing around us but there, in the middle of a national emergency, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and contentment.

Nearly all of us have some special person or people in our lives. These people can excite and calm us, laugh and cry with us, be our light in the darkness, serve as our lighthouse in stormy seas, and stand as our beautiful wildflower that is vibrant with color in the snow covered alpine tundra. They come out of nowhere and far too soon are gone. We are better for the time we had with them and cherish the memories we made with them. We feel a sense of sorrow immediately after we have to say goodbye. When such a person enters your life you must never hesitate to show them how much you love them and how thankful you are to have them in your life. We never quite know from when or where these individuals will come from and thus it’s hard to be prepared for them. In my own situation I have known this person for many years and she has always been someone I have deeply cared about but those rainy days we spent together caused a deeper sense of something within myself.  

There is a song about a mountain man that tells of how the life of a mountain man is a lonely one and though it ought to have been different, the story doesn’t always go the way we had in mind. As I think of this song I can draw some parallels in my own life. Indeed the life of a wandering mountain traveler can be lonely but just occasionally we find someone that joins us for a bit of our journey. Nature had raised a terrible hand upon my home but there, deep in that wild land I journey through, I had found a special moment in my life. The danger is over now but I will forever be grateful for that flood in September of 2013.

The Grouse

      Just before Labor Day weekend I decided to get one more hike in for the summer. There was already a hint of fall in the mountain air and I knew I had a busy schedule for the next couple weeks so it seemed like a perfect time to reenter my sanctuary. For the hike itself I chose Lake Haiyaha as my destination because I love exploring the Chaos Canyon where this lake sits. We got an early start and the morning was clear and cool. As we drew closer to Nymph Lake we passed through a large stand of Ponderosa pines. Suddenly the people I was with stopped and got very quiet. I inquired as to what was going on and was informed two grouse were not ten feet away from us. The birds were just standing there apparently untroubled by the close proximity of the humans. We gazed at these fascinating birds for nearly ten minutes and not once did the birds appear bothered or afraid of us. Such brave little creatures! After a time we continued on our hike, leaving the grouse in peace to continue on in whatever their task was this day. As we trekked on to Haiyaha I found myself in a state of awe about the courageous little grouse.

     I have once heard it said that fear is one of the most contagious and crippling diseases that a person an ever encounter. It robs us of good judgment and can make a bad situation worse. What I have noticed though is that the wild has no fear, only a sense of caution. Caution that keeps an animal from danger. Caution that helps preserve the animal’s young. Perhaps caution is not even the right term; instead let us simply call it common sense. The grouse we encountered this day did not flee because it did not feel threatened. Had any of our group attempted to approach the grouse directly they most certainly would have taken flight. No doubt the grouse kept us in their sight as they could not immediately know our intentions. I have seen this same characteristic in many different wild animals back when I could see. Courage is what I saw then and is what I still see today.  Many times in life we will find ourselves in situations where we are afraid but do we let that fear rule us? We overcome our fear with that same sense of courage that has guided so many to greatness. We mentally or even verbally tell that which is trying to induce the fear into us that we, not they, control our destiny. Courage is what will carry us through a dangerous situation. Courage is what will help us overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life. Courage is what gives us the strength to realize our dreams. The young athlete practices hard so they may excel in their sport. The soldier braves enemy fire to save his comrade. The dying man stares death in the eye and enjoys the time he has with his family instead of worrying about the inevitable. Of course we calculate the risks and attempt to set what we know to be somewhat realistic goals. But through all those calculations and attention to realism we must still have that courage to push ourselves as far as think we can and then further still! Courage took man up Mt. Everest and to the moon. Imagine where courage can take you. Have also the courage to help others realize their dreams and overcome their fears. If you allow your fear for their wellbeing to show then you run the risk of infecting them with this terrible virus and a dream or goal can be lost. I do not want someone to tell me how dangerous it is to climb the mountains and attempt to discourage me. Rather, I want them to be brave and encourage me so that I may share third courageous spirit.

     As we hike on I am overcome by a sense of amazement. In such a small creature I have witnessed something miraculous. The spirit of the grouse is in me now and I feel that much worthier to stand tall and proud next to those wild fearless animals that are my teachers and companions. ust before Labor Day weekend I decided to get one more hike in for the summer. There was already a hint of fall in the mountain air and I knew I had a busy schedule for the next couple weeks so it seemed like a perfect time to reenter my sanctuary. For the hike itself, I chose Lake Haiyaha as my destination because I love exploring the Chaos Canyon where this lake sits.

     We got an early start and the morning was clear and cool. As we drew closer to Nymph Lake we passed through a large stand of Ponderosa pines. Suddenly the people I was with stopped and got very quiet. I inquired as to what was going on and was informed two grouse were not ten feet away from us. The birds were just standing there apparently untroubled by the close proximity of the humans. We gazed at these fascinating birds for nearly ten minutes and not once did the birds appear bothered or afraid of us. Such brave little creatures! After a time we continued on our hike, leaving the grouse in peace to continue on in whatever their task was this day.

     As we trekked on to Haiyaha I found myself in a state of awe about the courageous little grouse. I have once heard it said that fear is one of the most contagious and crippling diseases that a person can ever encounter. It robs us of good judgment and can make a bad situation worse. What I have noticed though is that the wild has no fear, only a sense of caution. Caution that keeps an animal from danger. Caution that helps preserve the animal’s young. Perhaps caution is not even the right term; instead let us simply call it common sense. The grouse we encountered this day did not flee because it did not feel threatened. Had any of our group attempted to approach the grouse directly they most certainly would have taken flight. No doubt the grouse kept us in their sight as they could not immediately know our intentions. I have seen this same characteristic in many different wild animals back when I could see.

     Courage is what I saw then and is what I still see today.  Many times in life we will find ourselves in situations where we are afraid, but do we let that fear rule us? We overcome our fear with that same sense of courage that has guided so many to greatness. We mentally or even verbally tell that which is trying to induce the fear into us that we, not they, control our destiny. Courage is what will carry us through a dangerous situation. Courage is what will help us overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life. Courage is what gives us the strength to realize our dreams. The young athlete practices hard so they may excel in their sport. The soldier braves enemy fire to save his comrade. The dying man stares death in the eye and enjoys the time he has with his family instead of worrying about the inevitable. Of course we calculate the risks and attempt to set what we know to be somewhat realistic goals. But through all those calculations and attention to realism we must still have that courage to push ourselves as far as we think we can and then further still! Courage took a man up Mt. Everest and to the moon. Imagine where courage can take you. Have also the courage to help others realize their dreams and overcome their fears. If you allow your fear for their wellbeing to show, then you run the risk of infecting them with this terrible virus and a dream or goal can be lost. I do not want someone to tell me how dangerous it is to climb the mountains and attempt to discourage me. Rather, I want them to be brave and encourage me so that I may share third courageous spirit.

     As we hiked on I am overcome by a sense of amazement. In such a small creature I had witnessed something miraculous. The spirit of the grouse is in me now and I feel that much worthier to stand tall and proud next to those wild fearless animals that are my teachers and companions.

Night Sky

     One night in late August I was feeling somewhat restless and unable to sleep. I stepped out to my porch and took a seat and took in my surroundings. It was a cool clear night, the kind that tells me that summer in the mountains is drawing to a close. The place I call home sits at nearly 8200 feet above sea level and is nearly an hour away from the closest thing resembling a decent sized city and because of this the night sky is especially brilliant with stars without the hindrance of light pollution. On such a clear night I knew the stars were in all their glory and could easily imagine the twinkling sky in my mind.

     The stars that shone down on me that night were the same stars that were shining the night I was born, that were resplendent on the nights my grandmother spent on her uncle’s farm, that were breathtaking on the nights the mountain men laid their heads down after a long day of hunting and trapping, and that were so vivid on the night the Utes that inhabited these mountains long ago and performed their sacred Bear Dance. Long after my time is done; those stars will continue to shine down. It never fails to amaze me that something so beautiful is also so dependable. As I sat there enjoying the cool night air I began to realize that I have stars in my life as well.

    In such a fast paced and ever changing world we must look harder and harder for those dependable people who will be the stars in our hearts. These stars come to us in the form of family and friends and, on occasion, complete strangers. First, we have family. The people who were there in the beginning and who will be there either in body or spirit when we pass on. Then, we have our friends. The stars we didn’t see before but shine bright now. Finally we have the kind stranger. The star you never noticed before and might never see again though you know it’s there.

     I was reminded of the astronomy classes I used to teach. These stars in the sky are not random. To the north is Polaris, that one star that never wavers and guides us straight and true. Polaris is that special person such as a spouse or parent who helps direct the course of your life just as Polaris guided the early explorers. Over there, lies Ursa Major, the big bear in the sky. A group of stars that, when combined, show us another way. Friends and family band together in times of need to help us just as mine did after I lost my sight. Off in the distance is a shooting star. We only see it for an instance and then it’s gone. In the most unlikely moment a stranger appears to us and shows us that which is best in humanity and then, after such a short moment, they are gone though their brilliant radiance stays with us forever. Is that another shooting star? No, it’s just an airplane passing overhead. It is not what we thought it was at first just as some people we come across in our sky are not the good people we originally mistook them for. I do not know the name of some of those stars up there. They do not seem to be a part of any constellation. But those stars are there nonetheless. In our lives there are people you may never personally meet or remember but they have shone on your heart regardless because they have done a good deed for you that you never even realized. They are still stars because they did not seek recognition for their kind act, they simply shine and inspire.

     My thoughts are interrupted by the distant rumble of thunder and I notice the wind is picking up. A storm has formed over the Divide and the hour is late. But before I head in I pause to give thanks. I am thankful for what this night has given me. I am thankful for the stars in the sky. But most importantly, I am deeply grateful for all those stars, both seen and unseen, that shine in my soul on even the darkest of nights. With such a bright glow inside me, I know I will sleep well in these mountains.

Wild Basin

There is an place not too far from my home called the Wild Basin Area. Though I have never researched the reason this was the given name I like to think it has to do with all the rivers, streams, creeks, and waterfalls located in the beautiful place. It was here I was hiking with a goal to reach the magnificent Ouzel Falls. The trail is not a difficult one and follows the banks of the St. Vrain River and two other waterfalls along the way. The mountains had been receiving quite a bit of rain recently and though this day was clear and sunny the river was swollen and raging beside us. As we made our way along the trail I began to notice that I could actually follow the trail without assistance by using the sound of the St. Vrain. Of course I still needed to exercise caution because there were rocks on the trail and I certainly didn’t want to stumble and fall in the river. Still, it was an amazing feeling hiking without help if only for a small while. The river was telling me where I was and where I needed to go. I did not know exactly what was behind me and I certainly did not know what lies ahead but in that moment I knew exactly where I was. We stopped for a short rest near Calypso Cascades and I began to realize this hike was synonymous with life.
The past is behind us and the future is not set but do we know where we are in this moment? We are told to live in the present but so often we find ourselves lost in our past or daydreaming of the future. As humans we seem to be unique in this way. When a beaver dam breaks the beaver does not simply sit and stare at the ruined structure. He moves on and rebuilds. The black bear does not sit and dream of its long winter slumber. It roams the land, feeding and frolicking in its domain. Should we not follow the beaver and bear’s example? Too many unfortunate souls get mired down in the mistakes of their past while others get lost in what they consider their glory days of old. Meanwhile, many become so focused and, sometimes, obsessed with the future that they can think and see nothing else. What I know on this day is that the warm sun, the raging water, and the chirping insects will never be quite the same as they are right now. On this night the cool air that comes with the evenings in the mountains will never feel quite this good. Certainly we can and should remember the past and plan for the future. But is not enjoying whatever joy you sense or feel around you at the present not receive the bulk of your attention?  With each dawn, a beautiful day. With every cup of tea, a wonderful sensation of flavor. With each chirping bird, a joyous wild song. Life with every breath. It seems as though the overall quality of life can only improve if we all savor each moment. For my own part I know that reliving the trauma of losing my sight and worrying about what future I can or cannot have will only lead to my own personal ruination. Living, learning, and loving in the present can allow us all to overcome any obstacle no matter how big or small. Our pain will be lessened while our joys are heightened.
As we prepare to continue down the trail, I attempt to take in all that is around me for I know now it will never be quite like it is in this moment. In this land known as the Wild Basin I have learned to accept and appreciate the most important gift I will ever receive, the present.

Lulu City

One day in early August I ventured back across the Divide to hike to a place called LuLu City. It is the site of an old gold mining town that reached its peak glory days in the late 1800’s. Today very little remains to let us know a town was ever here. After passing the site we continued on to a peaceful spot along the Colorado River. It was a relatively flat grassy spot that was well shaded by the surrounding trees. We chose to stop here in this peaceful place to eat our lunch and rest for a bit. As we sat there, I listened to my companions chat with one another. Some were talking about the history of LuLu, while others shared their reason for vacationing here in the mountains. As I listened to the chatter and ate my sandwich I began to reflect on the various reasons people come to this wild place.

So many people come up here to the high country for such a variety of reasons and have been doing so for hundreds of years. Some of the earliest American explorers that first came to these mountains did so for the adventure while others were running from the past they left behind them. The inhabitants of LuLu City had come to the mountains like so many others in that era to seek their fortune in gold and other minerals. Today tourists come here for somewhat different reasons. Some are here for an adventure they can brag about to their friends back home while others are just trying to escape their somewhat drab “normal” lives back wherever they came from. Then, there are those who venture out here for the reason I chose to make this my home, for the sense of peace and serenity these mountains can bring. For all the different reasons that brought and continue to bring people out here, how many of them actually find what they seek? Did those seeking to escape their past manage to outrun their demons out here? Did all the miners and prospectors claim a vast fortune and live their days out in wealth and comfort? Do the modern day adventure seekers truly feel that adventurous and bold upon returning home? Does everyone find their desired peace and serenity amongst the tall hills?

Simple logic tells us that it is simply impossible that everyone received what they sought from the mountains. History only confirms what we already know to be true, but we also know that some lucky individuals did indeed find what they were after and many others that did not find their personal goal found something else just as valuable if not more so. The man who was a murderer back east made his peace with God after confessing his sins. The miner did not find a fortune in gold but raised a fine loving family blessed with good health. The adventurer did not make it up the peak he dreamed of but falls in love and marries the girl he meets out in the mountains. For my own part, I wandered out here to this magnificent land not sure where life was taking me but have now found a home where my soul is happy, content, and free.

We travel to so many places seeking so many different things. Sometimes we find what we are after and sometimes we do not. We find something completely different than we dreamed of and some of us find nothing at all. These mountains are teaching me to take whatever gift I find and not waste time seeking that which I do not really need. The wild places can give us peace of heart, mind, and spirit. Once we acquire those gifts I believe all else will follow in good time. Gorge your spirit on a wild place and let the crows feed on the mundane.

Mills Lake

I remember a hike I took with a few friends to a place called Mills Lake. We started late on the trail and took a very leisurely pace up the path stopping along the way to take in the views of the Glacier Gorge and the surrounding peaks. Two of my companions that day were a pair of young women from Brazil who had never hiked with me before. It was not hard for me to detect their awkwardness in guiding a sightless person on a mountain trail but they were clearly making a concentrated effort to be as helpful as possible. 

One thing that stood out to me while we hiked up in the warm afternoon sun was how these friends from afar mentioned every little bump along the trail so as I could never guess whether I was about to encounter an actual step or merely a small water bar placed to help prevent erosion. I attempted to explain to my fellow hikers that they need not bother mention the little steps but only needed to warn me of bigger steps and rocks along the trail. They merely insisted on letting me know of every step along the way because they feared that I may fall and suffer an injury. 

After traveling for two and a half miles and climbing seven hundred feet we arrived at our destination at last. As we sat there sipping water and admiring the view of Long’s Peak I began to think about my friends’ desire to keep me from harm. While there can be no doubt their honest intentions and deep concern and care for my wellbeing they clearly had not spent any time in the wild with me and had greatly underestimated my abilities. Certainly this was not the first time this had happened to me nor will it be the last but I found myself deep in thought about the whole episode. 

So often we underestimate one another not out of a sense of superiority but instead out of a desire to protect what we perceive to be a weaker person. I have no doubt that I too have been guilty of this noble but seriously misguided notion. We look at a quiet and shy child without realizing they have a natural gift for acting. We see a man in a wheelchair and want to do everything for him because we think he is incapable of doing for himself and yet this man could very well be a Olympic athlete and sole supporter of his family. We even ponder this in nature. The moose is a clumsy looking creature but in fact possesses great strength and can survive the harshest mountain winters. 

Where do we draw the line between concern and overprotection? I know for myself the answer lies within me. I know what I can accomplish and what I need assistance with. What I love about roaming about and living in these mountains is that I must be bold and daring but unafraid to ask for help when I truly need it. The protective cocoon we strive to wrap around others can very well snuff out their potential greatness. I think of my loving grandmother who supports me in all I do but is also there to help me when I stumble on my life path. What I now see with these blind eyes is a world of people with great possibilities and potential. People whom I will no longer try to protect but instead will offer whatever support they choose to accept from me. Just as I occasionally stumble and fall on the trail, we will all stumble and fall on our great journey. But when someone falls we will not stop them or attempt to get them to turn back. We will help them up, brush them off, and ask, “What is your next move?” 

This wild and untamed land has given me much this day. I am learning about myself, I am learning about the power others possess, and I am teaching others to look for the powers possessed by each other. Such a powerful lesson a short hike can teach us. I will no longer look at the obvious weakness; I will look for the hidden strength.

 

The storm

There is nothing quite like a big storm in the high mountains. The clouds come so low that you can no longer see even the nearest peaks and summits, but are instead amongst the clouds themselves. The rain hammers down in fat drops and there is no such thing as a warm summer rain up here. Instead, it is always a cold invigorating blast from above. The lightening is so close you could almost reach out and touch the great sky fire. Then there is the thunder. Great claps and booms so loud you feel as though the sky itself is cracking and fracturing around you. 

It was during a recent such storm that I found myself sitting on my porch and marveling at nature’s fury. I thought of all the tourists who were undoubtedly annoyed by the weather and wondering what happened to their blue skies and wonderful views of the surrounding mountains. It dawned on me that if someone were to come up here at this very moment and had never been to my home before they would likely have no idea of the splendor around them. This magnificent place would seem nothing but a gray, wet, and cold land. Were they to take the time to truly get to know these mountains, they would come to realize what a wild garden it truly is. 

So often we hear how we should not judge a book by its cover, but it happens nevertheless. A desert is thought to be barren and desolate though it has beautiful colors, amazing sunsets, and life swirls about it. A seemingly old man turns out to be a master craftsman using skills acquired over a lifetime. What many would call a hideous spider weaves the most intricate and beautiful web. A small bony child grows to be a star at track and field. 

Here in my mountains a wild storm rages, driving people to shelter, but brings the heavens so close we can almost reach out and touch God’s face. The storm, child, spider, old man, and desert are not ugly or weak or evil. They are strong, beautiful, and inspiring. How different would this world be if someone did not see the beauty and potential in all things around them? How many children would have never accomplished such amazing feats had not someone believed in them? How different would my own life had turned out had I listened to every person who told me I couldn’t because of my eyes? 

The storm should not frighten or anger us. Instead, we should be inspired by the rain, lightening, and thunder and let the storm within us rage and drive us whenever our souls need a little stirring and wild passion. The more the storm raged around me, the deeper my thoughts took me. No longer content sitting under cover, I left the shelter of my porch and walked into elements. I felt the rain hitting my face, I heard the thunder booming around me, and I sensed the bright flash of the lightening so close my hair stood on end. Such exhilaration! There was nothing in that moment I was not capable of! I wanted to shout and roar so that all would join me and feel the wild power that the mountains were begging to bestow on us. 

After a few minutes I stepped back under my porch, dripping wet. Though I love the sapphire skies and the peaks around me when in full view, I do not believe I had ever seen such a beautiful day such as that one. The storm is not concealing the beauty; it is a part of the beauty. Let your storm rage both within and without every once in a while so that your spirit may be refreshed.

Lake Isabelle

Deep in the Indian Peaks Wilderness Area is a lake called Lake Isabelle. The lake sits up at nearly eleven thousand feet and this is where I planned to hike to. It was yet another beautiful summer day without a cloud in the sky. 

The trail started out fairly smooth and took me through a cool shaded fir forest along the shores of Long’s Lake. As my companion guided me along the trail, I took note of my surroundings as much as my senses would allow me. There was a gentle breeze blowing through the tall trees, ground squirrels scampered about, my companion noted a moose sipping water from the lake not far from us, and a woodpecker was drumming a tree somewhere nearby. After a couple of miles we came to a series of rocky and uneven switchbacks that lasted for nearly a half mile. It was the kind of terrain that gave you a physical sense of satisfaction as you navigate it.

Upon reaching the top we navigated a narrow trail closely bordered by small shrubs and trees that brushed my skin as I passed. What we found at the end of the trail was not a pristine mountain lake but instead a giant half empty mud hole that swarmed with mosquitos. I was told the Indian Peaks themselves were in view but it was hard for us to enjoy with the swarm of biting insects around us. Early forest fires had caused the Forest Service to send its water bucket helicopters to collect water from the lake which dramatically lowered its levels far earlier in the season than usual. We quickly ate the lunches we had packed and hurried away from the lakeshore to begin our descent. 

Once we returned to the forest we were back at our leisure pace and again enjoying our surroundings without bother or care. Back on my porch and relaxing in the afternoon quiet I reflected on the day’s hike. While the destination had been disappointing and even uncomfortable, the journey there had been a very pleasant and enriching experience. 

How often in life do we become so focused on our destination that we forget to enjoy the time spent getting there? How many times do we strive to achieve a goal only to be disappointed by the outcome? Oftentimes, the conclusion is not what we sought or expected but we must take joy in the time spent getting there.  

A high school football team loses the state championship game but forge lifelong friendships in the process. A writer’s book is rejected by a publisher but the writing took its author to a place she had never been before. A man’s life is cut short by the scourge of cancer but he lived a long rich life along the way.  Accept the fact that the destination may not be what you imagine, but do not let it stop you from making the journey. 

The old adage tells us that getting there is half the fun. Do you ever question why getting there cannot be all the fun? While there are many times we arrive at a mental or physical place we want to be after a long travel, it is only a fool who assumes that the ending will always be the perfect one. The wiser person realizes that the end is an unknown and treasures each footstep along the trail instead. 

I smiled to myself as the evening came upon my mountains for I now understood that the day’s hike had not been a disappointment after all, it was instead another glorious day in which the high country had taught me yet another valuable lesson.

Grand Lake

I once traveled across the Continental Divide to Grand Lake. It is a large lake with a small town situated around it. Some friends and I decided to cool ourselves in the cold mountain fed lake to relieve ourselves from the warm weather. As I submerged my feet in the cool clear water I opened my senses and took in the mountain summer day. 

The sun warmed my back, and a light rainfall earlier in the day brought a fresh scent with it. Some children were splashing around and their laughter carried across the lake. I thought of the water that was cooling my body and reflected on where this water was going. 

Grand Lake is the headwater of the mighty Colorado River and eventually makes its way to the deep blue of the Pacific. It seems such a long journey from my mountains to the wide bosom of the ocean. Though there is no way of knowing what this liquid, that brings forth life, will encounter its beginning and ending is already set. 

The life of a man or woman is similar in that respect. We are born and, someday, we will pass into the afterlife. We journey on this land in the river of time for what seems such along time but in the grand scheme of things is not as long as we think. The water can encounter so many obstacles along the way. Sometimes it drifts along a side stream, sometimes it will be slowed by a beaver dam, it may be absorbed by a farmer’s field to nourish crops for a small time, or it may travel straight and true down the river to its final destination. But no matter what path the water flows, it will always end in the same place. So it is with life. 

We are born on the lake and someday we will enter the mystery of the deep sea but it’s what we encounter on the river that will shape the world around us. We may get sidetracked or slowed down by we flow on nevertheless. We nourish those around us as the water nourishes the plants and animals. We leave our mark on this planet as the water marks the riverbanks. We carry hard learned lessons and memories, both good and bad, just as the water carries sediments as it flows on. The largest difference between the water and us is that we have some measure of control of how we flow. When we are slowed by the beaver dams that fate or our fellow man will sometimes place in front of us, we must endeavor to flow on. When we pass a person who is in need of help we must make the personal decision to absorb ourselves into the field and nourish the plant. When others try to lure us down a side stream we must remain true to ourselves and stay the course of the river. 

With so much going on around us it is so simple to forget that we all have a purpose in life. Every drop in a river has a job and a great sense of satisfaction comes only if that purpose is served. That job is complete before we reach the end of our journey. Were we to flow through the river without discovering the meaning of our existence then we enter the sea as a wasted drop of freshwater. The single drop does not know when or where its life purpose will be discovered. It could be soon after leaving the lakeshore or it may not occur until it nears the ocean but the purpose is there somewhere along the river. Perhaps the drop has many purposes and stops along its journey and perhaps it has only one. 

Whether we have many life tasks or merely one, they are all equally important. A single drop helps feed a mighty oak, the oak drops many acorns spawning a whole new generation of oaks. The drop supports the trout population giving the black bear sustenance. No life task is too small or insignificant. As you flow down your river of life open your heart and mind so that you may discover your mission and leave your mark on the great map.

Yellow Mountain Trollie

I once took a four mile hike through the alpine tundra with a guide and a handful of tourists. It was a beautiful day and I could easily imagine how spectacular the view was to my sighted companions. The Continental Divide was in all its splendor and we were all in fine spirits.
One of our guides had a keen interest in wildflowers native to my mountains. At one point she stopped us on the trail to point out a Yellow Mountain Trollie. I asked if she might help me locate one of these delicate beauties so that I might feel it. As I ran a finger over the soft yellow petals I was struck how something so small and fragile could survive in such a harsh environment where snow could be found even in July.

 The mighty Lodgepole Pine could not sustain itself up this high. How does this seemingly weaker plant species live and, indeed, flourish so far up? Is not the tree the stronger species? What is the true measure of strength? Is it brute power? Is it the ability to adapt to one’s surroundings? The delicate alpine flora grows where the mighty tree cannot reach. The little marmot roams where the black bear will not. What can mankind learn from this lesson of the wild? An old woman walks to her church every Sunday morning through what many consider a dangerous neighborhood while the troublemaker takes safety in numbers with a gang. A modern day politician in good health plods away day after day counting money and votes while Theodore Roosevelt who was sickly and nearsighted spent his every free moment enjoying and preserving the wild places he roamed. Somewhere deep in an office building, tucked away in a cubicle, a man with perfect vision stares at a computer while a blind man wanders the mountains.
The natural world tells us that strength is not found in the muscle, but rather in the soul. The gentle flower that follows its heart will outpace the lumbering pine. The small marmot that reaches for the stars will finish the great race far ahead of the bear. The kind of strength that matters most in life is not found in the arms, legs, or hands. It is found within the spirit we are all born with. We need only search within ourselves to unlock our true potential. I stood up from where I had crouched to examine this natural marvel. A powerful feeling washed over me and in that moment I felt as though I could nearly move the entire Never Summer Range that stood in front of me. In the flower I had found new strength. What seemingly small wonder will unlock your power?

Emerald Mountain

I recently enjoyed a sunset on the side of Emerald Mountain with a newlywed couple that had come to visit me in my home in the Colorado Rockies. With my limited amount of light perception I was able to enjoy the intense sapphire blue sky I only seem to find up in the high country. While enjoying the panoramic view that included such places as Thunder Ridge, Eagle Cliff, and other distant peaks my friends noticed that there were nearly a dozen hummingbirds flying in a frenzy above us. It was such a peaceful setting that one could only wonder why a hummingbird wouldn’t perch itself in a nearby Ponderosa Pine and enjoy God’s splendor along with us. While nature certainly has different perogatives than their human counterparts I couldn’t help but compare the birds’ frenzy to the average tourist that wanders up to my home during the summer season. Flitting around from spot to spot, snapping a quick photo here and there, and buying a few souvieners before returning to their nests back home.Do these busy little birds truly get a sense of peace and serenity from the mountains as I do? Do they smell the wet foliage in the morning dew? Do they gently run a fingertip over the delicate flower that grows far above the treeline? Do they hear the owl call from its perch deep in the montane forest? Though I am blind I never ceased to be amazed by the glorious majesty of the Rocky Mountains and other natural gems. Not too deeply hidden in these snow covered peaks, winding streams and rivers, and cool dark forests is a whole treasure-trove of life lessons. Were mankind not meant to love and enjoy the world around us then we would all be blind, deaf, and otherwise numb to our surroundings. As the young mule deer enjoys a cool sip of water from the stream, so we enjoy a hot cup of coffee while watching a beautiful sunrise over the eastern horizon. As the beaver puts the finishing touch on a dam that will shape the surrounding land, so we take satisfaction in a hard day’s work. As the black bear snuggles in its cave for a long winter slumber, so we snuggle up to a loved one in front of a crackling hardwood fire in a cabin far from the turmoil of civilization. A forest fire rages, wiping out a forest and yet from the ashes new life spawns. From the ashes of our past mistakes, new opportunities arise. Though I am blind my eyes are wide open to the beauty, magic, and life experience the natural world around me has to offer. I do not travel to the mountains, I journey through the mountains. Only by slowing down and truly opening all your senses to a wild place will you find the true peace you were meant to exist in. Be not the flitting hummingbird, be instead the perched owl.