Full Circle

After the Great Flood of 2013 temporarily chased me out of my mountains I decided to make a short trip back to Ohio to visit family and friends. During this two week visit I happened to reconnect with an old college friend I had not spoken to in nearly a decade. On a beautiful early fall day we enjoyed lunch and then took a long walk through Blacklick Woods. The weather was absolutely perfect and as we wandered down the trail through a mix of oaks, maples, and hickories we enjoyed the sound of the birds and squirrels scampering and flitting about around us. We even heard a few frogs calling as we passed over some of the marshy areas that dot that forest. The walk, conversation, and sounds of nature all combined to make for a very agreeable afternoon. We walked around a large loop that eventually brought us back to my friend’s car and I couldn’t help but marvel at the significance of the circle we had just trekked upon.

The friend, that I journeyed with on that day, and I had a rather hard falling out ten years ago while attending college together. Harsh words had been spoken and hard feelings forged. But now both older and hopefully wiser we have buried the hatchet and are friends again in a place not so far from my origins nor the place where we met so long ago. Just like the simple trail we had just traversed together we had come to a full circle at last. I think of the significance of the wild and peaceful place we were surrounded by the power of the circle we crossed.

The earliest inhabitants of this land placed a great importance in both nature and the circle. We can find evidence of this in both their ancient ceremonies and artwork such as the sacred medicine wheel. Life and perhaps fate has taken me far and now I roam the mountains where I firmly believe I belong. Having found my own personal heaven on earth, I cannot ignore the path that brought me here to the high country. Nor, for that matter, can I allow myself to not occasionally complete the sacred hoop and return to my own roots. Returning to the original wild places that inspired me to journey in the beginning, reminds me that the earliest life lessons I took from the land came from here, not my beloved mountains. By coming here I came to appreciate the mountains even more. It is essential that we all give tribute to our beginnings and honor the place we started our journey in life. 

Only by coming to the complete circle can we truly come to term and fully understand who and what we truly are. The true mountain men were not born in the mountains. The seasoned sailor was not born on the sea. The celebrated hero more often than not comes from a humble and unassuming beginning. The mountain man returns to the flats on occasion. The sailor returns to port now and again. The hero returns to the place of his people that came before him. No matter how far you go and no matter where you find yourself be always sure to complete that holy circle every once and awhile so that you may have sacred time to remember who you are and how you got there. 

Sometimes completing the hoop can turn your life around for the better. If the earlier part of your journey was a particularly hard or painful one then do not shy from that past. Embrace it and take a measure of pride in the fact that you overcame those obstacles and endured what a weaker soul may not have been able to. The more you travel on your personal wheel of life, the stronger the wheel becomes and the surer you will become in just where on the wheel you belong.

Whenever I think back to that beautiful day in the Blacklick Woods I will always reflect on how insightful it was and how much I gained from it. Another valuable lesson was learned and a dying ember of friendship was fanned into a great blaze. I know now that my journey through the mountains started here in the forests of Ohio and as surely as I stand here today my journey will bring me back to this place again one day.

The Flood

Toward the middle of September heavy rain came upon the mountains. It started on a Tuesday and a hike up Emerald Mountain had to be abandoned. By Wednesday it was raining harder still and on this day a close friend came to visit for the night. By Thursday morning flash floods had cut us off from the nearby town of Estes Park. The rain did not stop until Friday but by then waterways were so flooded that roads and bridges were rapidly deteriorating and we prepared for a long siege against the weather. Friday afternoon brought the sudden news that the bridge was in danger of washing away and we were ordered to evacuate the area before being cut off completely. We hurriedly packed a few things and drove over the flooded, washed out, boulder strewn road and soon found our only way out of the area over Trail Ridge Road. Upon reaching the western side of the Rockies, we turned south and eventually made our way to the safety of Denver for the next couple of days before she headed back to Texas and I returned to Ohio to visit family while the mountains calmed down.

Through this entire ordeal I was a bit surprised to find what was most concerning me. It turned out not to be what most would expect. What was on my mind the most those wet days in September was not the flood, but rather that person that was trapped there in the mountains with me. Rock slides were blocking the canyons and passes and I was content listening the sound of her laughter. Others were anxiously awaiting news of bridge and road conditions while I was anxiously waiting for my shift to end so that I could be near her again. Food supplies were dwindling but all I could worry about was my dwindling time remaining with her. It seemed as though the very mountains I love were collapsing around us but there, in the middle of a national emergency, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and contentment.

Nearly all of us have some special person or people in our lives. These people can excite and calm us, laugh and cry with us, be our light in the darkness, serve as our lighthouse in stormy seas, and stand as our beautiful wildflower that is vibrant with color in the snow covered alpine tundra. They come out of nowhere and far too soon are gone. We are better for the time we had with them and cherish the memories we made with them. We feel a sense of sorrow immediately after we have to say goodbye. When such a person enters your life you must never hesitate to show them how much you love them and how thankful you are to have them in your life. We never quite know from when or where these individuals will come from and thus it’s hard to be prepared for them. In my own situation I have known this person for many years and she has always been someone I have deeply cared about but those rainy days we spent together caused a deeper sense of something within myself.  

There is a song about a mountain man that tells of how the life of a mountain man is a lonely one and though it ought to have been different, the story doesn’t always go the way we had in mind. As I think of this song I can draw some parallels in my own life. Indeed the life of a wandering mountain traveler can be lonely but just occasionally we find someone that joins us for a bit of our journey. Nature had raised a terrible hand upon my home but there, deep in that wild land I journey through, I had found a special moment in my life. The danger is over now but I will forever be grateful for that flood in September of 2013.

The Grouse

      Just before Labor Day weekend I decided to get one more hike in for the summer. There was already a hint of fall in the mountain air and I knew I had a busy schedule for the next couple weeks so it seemed like a perfect time to reenter my sanctuary. For the hike itself I chose Lake Haiyaha as my destination because I love exploring the Chaos Canyon where this lake sits. We got an early start and the morning was clear and cool. As we drew closer to Nymph Lake we passed through a large stand of Ponderosa pines. Suddenly the people I was with stopped and got very quiet. I inquired as to what was going on and was informed two grouse were not ten feet away from us. The birds were just standing there apparently untroubled by the close proximity of the humans. We gazed at these fascinating birds for nearly ten minutes and not once did the birds appear bothered or afraid of us. Such brave little creatures! After a time we continued on our hike, leaving the grouse in peace to continue on in whatever their task was this day. As we trekked on to Haiyaha I found myself in a state of awe about the courageous little grouse.

     I have once heard it said that fear is one of the most contagious and crippling diseases that a person an ever encounter. It robs us of good judgment and can make a bad situation worse. What I have noticed though is that the wild has no fear, only a sense of caution. Caution that keeps an animal from danger. Caution that helps preserve the animal’s young. Perhaps caution is not even the right term; instead let us simply call it common sense. The grouse we encountered this day did not flee because it did not feel threatened. Had any of our group attempted to approach the grouse directly they most certainly would have taken flight. No doubt the grouse kept us in their sight as they could not immediately know our intentions. I have seen this same characteristic in many different wild animals back when I could see. Courage is what I saw then and is what I still see today.  Many times in life we will find ourselves in situations where we are afraid but do we let that fear rule us? We overcome our fear with that same sense of courage that has guided so many to greatness. We mentally or even verbally tell that which is trying to induce the fear into us that we, not they, control our destiny. Courage is what will carry us through a dangerous situation. Courage is what will help us overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life. Courage is what gives us the strength to realize our dreams. The young athlete practices hard so they may excel in their sport. The soldier braves enemy fire to save his comrade. The dying man stares death in the eye and enjoys the time he has with his family instead of worrying about the inevitable. Of course we calculate the risks and attempt to set what we know to be somewhat realistic goals. But through all those calculations and attention to realism we must still have that courage to push ourselves as far as think we can and then further still! Courage took man up Mt. Everest and to the moon. Imagine where courage can take you. Have also the courage to help others realize their dreams and overcome their fears. If you allow your fear for their wellbeing to show then you run the risk of infecting them with this terrible virus and a dream or goal can be lost. I do not want someone to tell me how dangerous it is to climb the mountains and attempt to discourage me. Rather, I want them to be brave and encourage me so that I may share third courageous spirit.

     As we hike on I am overcome by a sense of amazement. In such a small creature I have witnessed something miraculous. The spirit of the grouse is in me now and I feel that much worthier to stand tall and proud next to those wild fearless animals that are my teachers and companions. ust before Labor Day weekend I decided to get one more hike in for the summer. There was already a hint of fall in the mountain air and I knew I had a busy schedule for the next couple weeks so it seemed like a perfect time to reenter my sanctuary. For the hike itself, I chose Lake Haiyaha as my destination because I love exploring the Chaos Canyon where this lake sits.

     We got an early start and the morning was clear and cool. As we drew closer to Nymph Lake we passed through a large stand of Ponderosa pines. Suddenly the people I was with stopped and got very quiet. I inquired as to what was going on and was informed two grouse were not ten feet away from us. The birds were just standing there apparently untroubled by the close proximity of the humans. We gazed at these fascinating birds for nearly ten minutes and not once did the birds appear bothered or afraid of us. Such brave little creatures! After a time we continued on our hike, leaving the grouse in peace to continue on in whatever their task was this day.

     As we trekked on to Haiyaha I found myself in a state of awe about the courageous little grouse. I have once heard it said that fear is one of the most contagious and crippling diseases that a person can ever encounter. It robs us of good judgment and can make a bad situation worse. What I have noticed though is that the wild has no fear, only a sense of caution. Caution that keeps an animal from danger. Caution that helps preserve the animal’s young. Perhaps caution is not even the right term; instead let us simply call it common sense. The grouse we encountered this day did not flee because it did not feel threatened. Had any of our group attempted to approach the grouse directly they most certainly would have taken flight. No doubt the grouse kept us in their sight as they could not immediately know our intentions. I have seen this same characteristic in many different wild animals back when I could see.

     Courage is what I saw then and is what I still see today.  Many times in life we will find ourselves in situations where we are afraid, but do we let that fear rule us? We overcome our fear with that same sense of courage that has guided so many to greatness. We mentally or even verbally tell that which is trying to induce the fear into us that we, not they, control our destiny. Courage is what will carry us through a dangerous situation. Courage is what will help us overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life. Courage is what gives us the strength to realize our dreams. The young athlete practices hard so they may excel in their sport. The soldier braves enemy fire to save his comrade. The dying man stares death in the eye and enjoys the time he has with his family instead of worrying about the inevitable. Of course we calculate the risks and attempt to set what we know to be somewhat realistic goals. But through all those calculations and attention to realism we must still have that courage to push ourselves as far as we think we can and then further still! Courage took a man up Mt. Everest and to the moon. Imagine where courage can take you. Have also the courage to help others realize their dreams and overcome their fears. If you allow your fear for their wellbeing to show, then you run the risk of infecting them with this terrible virus and a dream or goal can be lost. I do not want someone to tell me how dangerous it is to climb the mountains and attempt to discourage me. Rather, I want them to be brave and encourage me so that I may share third courageous spirit.

     As we hiked on I am overcome by a sense of amazement. In such a small creature I had witnessed something miraculous. The spirit of the grouse is in me now and I feel that much worthier to stand tall and proud next to those wild fearless animals that are my teachers and companions.

Night Sky

     One night in late August I was feeling somewhat restless and unable to sleep. I stepped out to my porch and took a seat and took in my surroundings. It was a cool clear night, the kind that tells me that summer in the mountains is drawing to a close. The place I call home sits at nearly 8200 feet above sea level and is nearly an hour away from the closest thing resembling a decent sized city and because of this the night sky is especially brilliant with stars without the hindrance of light pollution. On such a clear night I knew the stars were in all their glory and could easily imagine the twinkling sky in my mind.

     The stars that shone down on me that night were the same stars that were shining the night I was born, that were resplendent on the nights my grandmother spent on her uncle’s farm, that were breathtaking on the nights the mountain men laid their heads down after a long day of hunting and trapping, and that were so vivid on the night the Utes that inhabited these mountains long ago and performed their sacred Bear Dance. Long after my time is done; those stars will continue to shine down. It never fails to amaze me that something so beautiful is also so dependable. As I sat there enjoying the cool night air I began to realize that I have stars in my life as well.

    In such a fast paced and ever changing world we must look harder and harder for those dependable people who will be the stars in our hearts. These stars come to us in the form of family and friends and, on occasion, complete strangers. First, we have family. The people who were there in the beginning and who will be there either in body or spirit when we pass on. Then, we have our friends. The stars we didn’t see before but shine bright now. Finally we have the kind stranger. The star you never noticed before and might never see again though you know it’s there.

     I was reminded of the astronomy classes I used to teach. These stars in the sky are not random. To the north is Polaris, that one star that never wavers and guides us straight and true. Polaris is that special person such as a spouse or parent who helps direct the course of your life just as Polaris guided the early explorers. Over there, lies Ursa Major, the big bear in the sky. A group of stars that, when combined, show us another way. Friends and family band together in times of need to help us just as mine did after I lost my sight. Off in the distance is a shooting star. We only see it for an instance and then it’s gone. In the most unlikely moment a stranger appears to us and shows us that which is best in humanity and then, after such a short moment, they are gone though their brilliant radiance stays with us forever. Is that another shooting star? No, it’s just an airplane passing overhead. It is not what we thought it was at first just as some people we come across in our sky are not the good people we originally mistook them for. I do not know the name of some of those stars up there. They do not seem to be a part of any constellation. But those stars are there nonetheless. In our lives there are people you may never personally meet or remember but they have shone on your heart regardless because they have done a good deed for you that you never even realized. They are still stars because they did not seek recognition for their kind act, they simply shine and inspire.

     My thoughts are interrupted by the distant rumble of thunder and I notice the wind is picking up. A storm has formed over the Divide and the hour is late. But before I head in I pause to give thanks. I am thankful for what this night has given me. I am thankful for the stars in the sky. But most importantly, I am deeply grateful for all those stars, both seen and unseen, that shine in my soul on even the darkest of nights. With such a bright glow inside me, I know I will sleep well in these mountains.